September 14, 2021September 12, 2021 FOGA

Spell Slots Theory: An Explanation on Depression

Lifestyle

People have asked me what living with depression is like. Quite frankly, it is hard to describe. You’re trying to function as if you are not feeling a sense of overwhelming sadness, but are also apathetic to everything. The best way I have found how to describe it involves going into the geeky rabbit hole that is Dungeons & Dragons (aka D&D): Spell Slots Theory. This is a take on spoon theory that makes a lot more sense (at least to me) when someone used this analogy instead. So, I’ll share it with you.

Now, in D&D, you have different classes that you can play as you go about adventuring in the world. For our purposes, we are going to focus on the casters. These are all the ones that use magic. Some can only use a little magic, while others go all in and get the whole gambit. If you are a full caster (which is what I always play), you can cast everything from level 1- level 9 spells. Level one spells are fairly simple and basic, and the spells get more and more complex as you level up. You go from being proud you can create a cone of fire to stopping fucking time at level 9. It’s a fun game, and you should play it. Due to the fact that it would be entirely game-breaking otherwise, there are limits to how many spells you can cast at each level per day. These are your spell slots pictured here:

“What the hell am I looking at?” you ask. These are the spell slots available for anything from a level 1 to a level 20 full caster. For the sake of simplicity, we are going to say that we are a Level 20 wizard (go us!!!). So, that means we get 4 level 1 spells slots, three level 2, 3, 4, & 5 spells slots respectively, two level 6 & 7 spell slots, and one level 8 & 9 spell slots. That is a total of 22 spells you can cast per long rest (eight hours of sleep in the game). We also have cantrips which are, for all intents and purposes, baby spells that you can cast whenever you feel like it. Whenever you take a long rest, you get all your spell slots back. If you take a short rest (an hour nap) then you can get a few spell slots back, but you can only do this once a day. With me so far? Good.

Now, one cool function is that you can use higher level spell slots to cast lower level spells. You sometimes can make the spell strong by doing that as well. You cast a level 3 spell using a level 5 spell slot and it is more powerful, typically. You cannot, however, cast higher level spells with lower level spell slots. This only works one way.

“Okay FOGA, I have been patient. What the hell does this have to do with depression?” I am getting there you impatient weirdo.

In our example, everyone is a full caster. Certain activities require certain levels of spell slots:

• Cantrip: Browsing social media, Netflix, Youtube, Etc…
• Level 1: Brushing your teeth; Ordering delivery
• Level 2: Taking a shower
• Level 3: Getting take out
• Level 4: Cooking a meal
• Level 5: Laundry
• Level 6: Hobbies
• Level 7: Social Activities
• Level 8: Exercising
• Level 9: Going to work

Living with depression puts you at level 20, the same as everyone else. Some days you are the exact same and it’s awesome. Other days, it takes more energy to do almost everything. So, you have to upcast everything by one. So it now looks like this:

• Cantrip: Browsing social media, Etc…
• Level 1: Netflix, Youtube
• Level 2: Brushing your teeth; Ordering delivery
• Level 3: Taking a shower
• Level 4: Getting takeout; Having a text conversation
• Level 5: Cooking a meal; Talking to a friend on the phone
• Level 6: Laundry; Making an important phone call
• Level 7: Hobbies
• Level 8: Social Activities
• Level 9: Excerising, Going to work

Everything is a little harder. Not unbearable, but harder. Work is still a level 9 since there is nothing higher, but it will completely exhaust you to do so. Once you are exhausted, everything else you do is now increased by another level, so it would look like this after work:

• Cantrip: Laying in bed; Being conscious
• Level 1: Browsing social media; Getting out of bed
• Level 2: Netflix, Youtube
• Level 3: Brushing your teeth
• Level 4: Taking a shower
• Level 5: Getting take out; Having a text conversation
• Level 6: Cooking a meal; Talking to a friend on the phone
• Level 7: Laundry; Making an important phone call
• Level 8: Social Activities, Hobbies
• Level 9: Excerising, Going to work

Now, anything level 8 and 9 incredibly draining and would screw you up yet again in your levels. Also, your cantrips have changed to things that weren’t even on your level of difficulty before (Please note that cantrips don’t actually work this way in D&D, but depression isn’t in D&D as a condition either so I am taking some liberties). Being conscious is easy, but takes effort. Laying in bed doesn’t take energy. Getting out of bed takes physical effort on your part. This is because you went to work on a day when you really did not have the energy for it. You will get your spell slots back on your long rest/8 hours of sleep, but you will still be exhausted the next day cause you went past your boundaries, so work will still take more effort than you have. And this is just for a day where you have mild/moderate depression day.

When you have a day of severe depression, the previously established rules get all fucked up. Those are the days where the wake-up, go to work, come home, go to bed is the only plan. Showers, brushing your teeth, laundry, hell even eating take maximum amounts of energy. Also, your long rest does not regain much of anything anymore. These are the ones where you are proud to make it through the day alive and well. This is typically when people start pointing out that you have depression. You had it all the times before, but now it looks like the depression they are told about in the media.

Now I know what some of you might be thinking: FOGA, did you describe all of this to potentially encourage people to play Dungeons and Dragons?

Seriously though, this is the best way I have found to describe depression to someone. Also, Dungeons and Dragons is a fun game and you should play it. 🙂

What ways have you used to describe depression to someone?