October 28, 2018 FOGA

I Don’t Want Kids & That’s Okay

Lifestyle

It happened again. I was at work speaking with someone, and then the topic of children came up. This tends to get very awkward and uncomfortable for me. For those unfamiliar with the conversation, it typically goes something like this:

Random Person: Do you have kids?
Me: Nope.
Random: Planning on having kids?
Me: No, I don’t want kids.
Random Person: WHAT???!!!?? But they are amazing. How could you not? What’s wrong with you? Blah Blah Blah (I have tuned you out at this point.)

 

 

Then it all typically goes downhill from here.

Here’s the thing: I really don’t want kids. For some reason, people think I am joking about this so allow me to be entirely clear: I have absolutely no interest in having children. I actively avoid them where ever I go. I commend those brave men and women who have them, but I will never be among them. There are reasons I can cite (like how they cost lots of money, can destroy your body, and they take away your freedom), but the simple fact is that I do not like children. I can tolerate and endure children, but I do not want them. That’s okay. Not everyone is going to love kids.

Now, my decision not to have kids doesn’t hurt anyone. It doesn’t affect anyone, and my family is entirely cool with it. My husband is completely content with not having kids. Still, people act like I have cursed on their grandmother’s grave when I say that I am not interested in having children.

Then there are the follow-up statements/questions. One of these always gets asked after I drop that “bombshell,” and I am not sure why. It really isn’t anyone’s business, yet, due to our culture, everyone feels entitled to an answer. These questions tend to go from the “naively rude” to the “blatantly a jerk” categories and, due to today, they are all in fresh in my head. So, here they are in rapid succession. Not sure if this fits for everyone who doesn’t want kids, but they fit for me. Here are the top 10 (in no particular order) that I have been subjected to and my answers to them:

1. I used to feel that way too, but I changed my mind. You will too.
   
   I am glad you changed your mind, and it worked for you. I am not you. Not changing my mind.
2. Don’t you want someone to take care of your when you’re older?
   Someone will be there; people I hire to do that. I’m sorry, but I didn’t realize that was the only reason to have kids. Glad you went through all that to have a nurse in your old age. Plus, who says that’s even what happens. Lots of people in nursing homes have families and they never even come and see them.
3. You’ll regret not having kids when you’re older.
   I won’t, but thanks for the unwanted opinion.
4. We’ll see. You might have an accident and then who knows. Hehe
   Why wish something unwanted on someone? The idea that someone thinks they can say this (always with that little laugh at the end as if it’s a joke to wish this on someone) and not have me want to punch them baffles me. Do not wish life-altering changes on someone who doesn’t want it. This one makes my blood boil. The equivalent of this on the flip side is, “I just found out I am pregnant!” “Oh. Well, you might have a miscarriage and then who knows. Hehe” Not okay in the slightest. Let’s stop the madness on this one, okay? 

5. Children give your life meaning. I was so empty before I had kids.
   Then, I am sorry for you. I have been told that kids are great, but if you haven’t given yourself any meaning in your life on your own, you are in for a rough road when they move out, and you are back to that “meaningless existence.” You need to give your life meaning, and then you can pass that on to someone else. Also, I am not you. I got this.
6. But you would make a great mom.
   Thank you. That’s sweet. I still don’t want kids.
7. What will you do with your life?
   Live it. Much easier without children as well. I want to travel a lot. 😊
8. Not having kids makes you less of a woman.
   Not at all actually. My being a woman is not affected by whether or not I have kids. Also, you are an asshole and why are we talking?
9. Don’t you want to give your mother grandchildren?
   I am not going to have kids to make my mother happy; that’s just insane. Also, she knows that I do not want kids and she’s entirely onboard.Bonus: I told this one to my mother, and she was appalled. Then she went on a rant saying that she would never expect me to have children for her sake. She was livid by the end. So, let’s not assume anything about my mom. She’s pretty cool.
10. Your husband deserves to have a child, and you should give him one.
    My husband knew who he married and understood before we got married that I do not want kids. At this point, that would be on him because we had this conversation multiple times before, and after, we got married and he has always been delighted with this. Plus, I do not owe anyone a child. Again, you are an asshole.

    I also want to point out that D NEVER gets told, “Your wife deserves to have a baby.” This idea seems to be exclusive to women. That’s bullshit.

 

 

Again, if you have kids, then that’s fantastic and go you. Children are not for me, and I know I am not alone. So, if we can all work together and change the conversation from all the craziness, it would be awesome. It really should go like this:

Random Person: Do you have kids?
Me: Nope.
Random: Planning on having kids?
Me: No, I don’t want kids.
Random Person: That’s cool. Anyway…. (And on with the conversation).

 

Fingers crossed for a future era where the conversation ends there and we move on to a different topic.

How about you guys? Have you gotten any drama due to not wanting children? Any other “fun” questions you’ve been asked in addition to what I wrote? Put it in the comments; I really am curious. 😊

 

Until next time!