Health vs Women
This is partially a direct update from last week and also a comment on healthcare for women in America. There are gonna be typos and whatnot because I am still a little bit in shock.
Here’s the thing: If you are female and you are trying to get medical care in this country, you are typically belittled, told you are clearly imagining everything, and then charged more (especially if you are a woman of color). This is my personal experience with health care, but that seems to be a very common experience. Don’t believe me? Well. Here. You. Go. You can also go online and ask about womens’ experiences with birth control, especially IUDs, and see how that goes. It’s eye-opening let me tell you.
I say that to say that when I went to see the doctor, I was not expecting much if anything really. What I got was very unexpected; I would call it extraordinary. The doctor listened to me. Acknowledged my situation and actively tried not to hurt me (Note: The bar is fucking low people). All of that would have already made for a good appointment. Learned that it is in fact a cyst and have scheduled the surgery to remove it. What made this extraordinary is this: I mentioned wanting to get my tubes removed previously but the doctors I saw were unwilling to do it.
Quick pause (read: mini-rant) here. Why were they unwilling to do it? Because my husband or future husband may want kids. Never mind whatever the hell I want. My fictional husband was more important. Once I had a husband and could prove he ALSO didn’t want kids, I was told and I quote, “What if you break up with him and end up with someone else who wants kids?” This doctor had a whole divorced planned out in their head to justify telling me what I can and cannot do with my own damn body. Again, the bar is really fucking low. Unpause (mini-rant) now.
This doctor said that they do them and we can schedule that at the same time as everything with this cyst since I have to be put under anyway. That was yesterday and I am still in shock. It’s crazy that actually being listened to and a doctor acting in accordance with what I wanted is such a fucking rarity. I called a friend of mine (who has also been told no many times and has endometriosis so she has had a much worse time of it) and she was floored. Told my mom and she was also in shock. Imagine a conversation of, “Woah” “I know right!” just back and forth for three minutes. 😂
I’ve already given out this doctor’s information to three different people because that’s how rare this shit is. It’s awesome that I can finally get this done, but it is truly a sad state of affairs how truly rare it is.
How has your experience been with doctors? Much of the same?
Feature Photo by Jacalyn Beales on Unsplash
I’m SO glad for you. I’ve known about this since I was 17, when a coworker described the hoops she had to jump through to get it done, and I’ve been furious ever since.
My experience with doctors and my chronic pain was gaslighting for at least the first 15 years. They couldn’t find the cause so they decided I didn’t have a problem. And I was “lucky” that it was “just” (crippling, life-changing) pain. That alone destroyed much of my life’s ambitions and hopes and joy, imagine if it had been something they just couldn’t identify but was biologically destructive? So many women die of heart problems because they’re women and people don’t detect them the same way, my mom did, and that’s just one tiny example.
I actually did the harm. I was 45 and had some intermittent chest pain. No family history and no risk factors so I waited a few days. I didn’t want to be seen as a hysterical female suffering from hypochondria. It was a 95% blocked coronary artery. Needed a stent. All is well now, but could have been a serious outcome. Yet I hesitated because of the history of not taking women seriously.
I am so sorry that happened to you. Happy that it wasn’t worse and that you are okay. I totally get it. People like to think that we are being irrational as if we don’t know our own bodies.
Thanks for reading & commenting.
First, I’m glad that things are relatively okay, healthwise. And second, wow – your doctor is actually saying and doing what most doctors won’t! I hope the tide is turning because it is not at all unreasonable for women to get their tubes tied or removed and it’s ridiculous for any medical professional to make that decision for someone. Funny, I don’t recall anyone arguing with my partner when he said he wanted a vasectomy…
I know right??? Gotta love the double standard. It’s very sad that listening to your patients is a rarity. 🙁
Thanks for reading.